Lately I have been hearing from a lot of parents of children with Aspergers syndrome and hearing that the behaviors are often compared with that of RAD kids. Before I get into this discussion, let’s clarify our terms.
Aspergers Syndrome, (in brief,) according to WebMD is defined as: a type of pervasive developmental disorder (PDD). PDDs are a group of conditions that involve delays in the development of many basic skills, most notably the ability to socialize with others, to communicate, and to use imagination.
Although Aspergers syndrome is similar in some ways to autism -- another, more severe type of PDD -- there are some important differences. Children with Aspergers syndrome typically function better than do those with autism. In addition, children with Aspergers syndrome generally have normal intelligence and near-normal language development, although they may develop problems communicating, as they get older.
RAD is Reactive Attachment Disorder, defined, again, by WebMD as: a condition found in children who have received grossly negligent care and do not form a healthy emotional attachment with their primary caregivers -- usually their mothers -- before age 5.Common Symptoms of Inhibited RAD Include:
· Detached, Unresponsive or resistant to comforting, Excessively inhibited (holding back emotions), Withdrawn or a mixture of approach and avoidance.
Common Symptoms With Disinhibited RAD Include: Indiscriminate sociability and Inappropriately familiar or selective in the choice of attachment figures
Well, I have been listening to people with Aspergers children and they have a lot of the same problems as RAD kids and act the same in many ways:
1. If they don’t get there way they may get angry with you
2. They may get physical with you or others in the house
3. Threaten to hurt themselves or others
4. Verbally abusive: call names and say they hate you and everyone else
4. Try to use their problems to get their way.
5. Blame you when they are mad, destructive or injure themselves during tantrums
Well, this should sound familiar to all of us who are working with kids with trust problems and ADHD etc.
But there is a difference with Aspergers children. They may act this way, but they are focused on a long-term plan. They don’t need to control their surroundings completely, they just want to control it enough to get what they need to finish what they have started.
From what I am learning about Aspergers kids, they are very intelligent and can be almost obsessive when it comes to learning things that gain their interest. However, they don’t focus on a broad range of topics, such as “normal” students must, and so they can’t always function in a normal educational system.
This is also how they learn behaviors and how to function in their families. If you have allowed them to “win” arguments and to get their way by having tantrums or by behaving badly, the parent has taught them that behaving badly works to get them what they want. Once they learn that, they will stick to that method and it will be very difficult to break them of that behavior.
RAD kids, however, will be more flexible in their approach. If a behavior is accepted at one time, and become unacceptable later, they are more able to change the behavior once told of the new rules. They are basically very adept at change, while children with Aspergers seem to find something that works and sticks with it, even if it doesn’t work anymore. Do you all find that that is true in your cases?
It is harder for them to unlearn something they have learned early on, so even if it seems so hard to teach them that you are the one in control and “yes is yes” and “no is no,” it would be a lot harder for you when they are teens. Instill good habits and be stern with bad behaviors early with Aspergers kids it seems is the lesson here.
Now I know I did not talk a lot about the RAD child here, but I have in so many of my blog posts, and we know their behaviors pretty well.
I will say this though: I find that the kids I work with (RAD) want to control me and they only want to get what they can get for the day. They don’t think about tomorrow. They live for the day. That is the other thing I find different about the two kids. RAD kids live for short-term things, and the Aspergers kids think long term.
Now I don’t have a lot of time working with Aspergers kids so I would love to hear from you and share where you differ with me. I sure don’t mind being wrong and if I can learn from my mistakes, it’s a good day.
(Note: we use the terms “Aspergers and RAD kids” not as a disrespectful label to the children, just as a more conversational term to use here amongst us parents.)