House Rules: Updated Version Important Especially For Homes with Kid with Sexual Issues

 by John and Diane

I previously discussed the importance of house rules in my blog posting titled: Importance of House Rules/Chore Lists for kids with Trust Disorders and RAD posted on March 28th 2012.  The last thing on the rules list was that it could be updated and changed at anytime, and indeed, it has! As my foster group home has had kids with multiple issues and diagnosis, their behavior dictates constant updating and tweaking of the house rules.  Remember, the house rules are VITAL in allowing your kids to feel safe and secure in the home. Knowing what behavior is acceptable and expected is comforting to RAD kids, and really, any child.

Like many children who come through a foster care system, I have had many, many children who have been sexually abused in some way, or have, themselves, been the abuser. (We all know, even in the youngest children, without even knowing it, if they have been abused, they may act out in predatory ways.) Hence, some updated rules on my house rules list that I recommend be incorporated on every one's list as a general rule.  The new rules are 13- 15 on the sheet:

13. No sitting next to each other on the couch or being under a blanket together, you must always be able to be seen.

14. No grabbing or holding any other children when playing a game or any other time or reason.

       15. No taking revenge on other kids for any reason.  

As I explained to my own kids, grabbing or horseplay can lead to more aggressive and inappropriate touching that neither child may really even want to do. They may feel pressured to continue with it however, because they want to please the other child-- their foster sibling and playmate-- who may also not really want to continue but does so because this is what they know.  The house rules give the children an easy Out. They can discontinue the risky behavior and avoid the situation by using the house rules to stop the action without the risk of injuring the relationship with the other child. The house rules can be the safety net the child needs to get out of the uncomfortable situation that may have developed inadvertently. 

Please check out our Facebook Page where we will post the actual House Rule sheets that we hang on the wall, so you can download and hang them in your own home.

Here's the full list again:  

1.    Do not steal

2.    Do not lie

3.    Do not swear

4.    Do not fight

5.    Do not back talk to adults

6.    Do not enter other people’s bedrooms without permission from John.

7.    Always knock on the bathroom door before entering, wash hand after using, flush toilet, and put toilet seat down.

8.    Always pick up your toys or anything you were using and put them back.

9.    Always ask before taking food. Pop/ juices/milk can only be drank at mealtime. All other times.  Water is available for you to drink.   

   10.  Do not eat in your bedroom or any other room   other than the kitchen and dining room area without permission from John.  Always put your dishes away.

12. No cell phone or computers in the bedroom after      bedtime.

13. No sitting next to each other on the couch or being under a blanket together, you must always be able to be seen.

14. No grabbing or holding any other children when playing a game or any other time or reason.

15. No taking revenge on other kids for any reason.  Any of these rules can be modified by John at any time.

Image adapted from flickr: Some rights reserved by joelogon