by John and Diane
As I make my way through a larger text on working with kids
with RAD, I wanted to share my techniques with you on how to build a safety
zone with a new (in my case at least) foster child with RAD.
The best way to help a RAD child adjust to his new
environment is to start building what is referred to as “situational trust.”
The first way to do this when they enter your home is to
consider his or her new bedroom the center of his universe, and the center from
which all other feelings of safety and security will build. His or her bedroom
will be the place where the child can go when he feels scared, anxious or
insecure. As discussed previously,
each child should have his or her own room. No exceptions.
Depending on the age of the child and his history, they may
ask for or require different things in their rooms to make them feel safe and
secure. I usually dress each room
up prior to a child’s arrival with a stuffed teddy bear on the bed to greet
them, but some children may want a lot of stuffed animals, blankets, items that
they brought with him, drawings, photos, or anything else that he or she may
have brought along from their old life.
Children with more complex issues may ask for alarm systems,
motion detectors, and locks on the doors.
Although this sounds like a lot, it is important for the child to feel
like he has control over his own safety.
Today’s technology makes it easy to peel and stick a
motion-detector to each side of a doorframe to “alarm” when the door
opens. An easy solution that
quells some dark fears.
You may be asked to paint the bedroom a different color or rearrange
furniture (over and over again).
It seems like you are rearranging your entire life for the RAD child,
but you do have to take extreme measures early on to build your foundation of
trust.
Once you have set up the safety-zone (the bedroom) you can begin working on building trust
between you and the child. He has his safe space to retreat to when
conversations or interactions get too much to handle.
As you work with the child you’ll also notice many of them
display compulsive behavior… repetitive actions (like needing to make numerous
phone calls) and collecting items. Collections (or hoarding to the extreme)
make RAD kids feel like they are in control.
I use what I call a
“saturation” technique whereas I allow a child to have as much of
whatever it is they want (within safe amounts of course.) So, for example, if
they have a compulsion to buy locks and keys, I use that to help promote other
growth. I will use keys and locks as rewards. By my acceptance of the impulsive and compulsive need to
have the keys and locks, and embracing it, the NEED to have them goes away. Once it is accepted, it goes away.
Of course, then
the child may move onto something else, but with each new obsession, you may be
learning something new about the child’s mental health.
For example, A child that feels the need to collect locks
and keys may be expressing his fears and insecurities, later, he starts
collecting dishes, which could express his desire to build family, put down
roots and “nest” as it were.
(Really, it has been my experience that everything, all the
behaviours point back to safety issues. They may exhibit this by hoarding food,
urinating in the closet, locking every door in the house, and stealing things
they do not need.)
Once the child begins feeling comfortable in his environment
and you feel as though you have some trust building between the two of you, he
will expand his area of safety by spending more time in common areas and
interacting more with others. This is where having House rules helps maintain
the feeling of safety throughout the home.
The RAD child may begin to bring his decorations outside his
room and begin to decorate other areas of the home. This should be allowed to
help him expand his circle of comfort and security (within reason, of course.) This
is a good sign.
To be continued….
image: Flickr:
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