by John
Those of us
who work with troubled kids, either within the foster care system, or
privately, know just how important it is to have a good support team. Finding a therapist or counselor is
vital and, just like finding the right doctor, shopping around to find the
right fit is vital.
When looking
for a counselor to help you work through issues with your RAD, ADHD, or other
behaviorally challenged child, there are a lot of important factors to
consider. First, find a certified and qualified therapist or counselor who is
(hopefully) experienced or specially trained in the treatment of the issues
your child is facing. Get
referrals if possible from other parents from your local support groups.
Once you get
that far, it really comes down to a personal response to the counselor and
whether or not you can work together. Here are some things to consider from my
own experiences working with kids and counselors in the foster care system.
How to Pick
a Good Counselor
1. Find someone you like,
not just someone the child likes.
2. Find someone you can trust. A good counselor will want to
know how you were brought up and some of your personal history; so, they can
understand where you are coming from. In order to do that, you’ll need to trust the counselor and
be able to open up on a personal level with them.
3. Find a counselor who is ready to hear
you and the problems
you’re having in the home. A successful working relationship will
mean that the child’s counselor will discuss the child’s progress and incidents
with you, troubleshoot behaviors and work through the behavioral triggers
(actions and reactions) with you for the betterment of the child.
4. Find counselor who is knowledgeable
in the field and who
knows the latest techniques and skills that work with children with issues like
your child’s. For instance, if your child has an attachment disorder, you’ll
want a counselor trained in attachment disorders or RAD, who knows all the
latest treatment options and approaches, and has numerous resources and
approaches to call upon during sessions.
5. Look for an innovator. Find a counselor who will try to find ways around your child’s
problems like RAD or ADHD and challenge your child instead of coddle them or
make excuses for their behavior.
1. A counselor whom your child likes and you don’t. Your child will sense that you don’t
like the counselor and will use this against you in some way. (Play adults off
each other.) I have had it happen
to me many times.
2. If the child sees the counselor as someone who has power over
their parents, that
is not a good thing. Some counselors see themselves like that to. If you get
that type of feeling, run as fast as you can, because it is hard to stop a counselor
who will try to use their power over you and make all the issues with the
child, your problems, not theirs or
your child’s. There should not be
a power struggle between the parent and the counselor. It should be viewed by
both parties as a partnership that works together toward the agreed upon goals
for the child.
3. If you feel that you cannot trust the
counselor in some basic way, be it keeping appointments, being straight with you about goals and
discussions with the child etc, the relationship will not work. Kids can feel that you don’t trust them,
so they will not trust them either.
4. A counselor that has the child come
into his or her office and has you wait outside until the session is over is not
someone you want to work. A good
counselor will involve the parent in sessions, as the parent is the one who
works on issues 24/7 and must show the child that they have 100% trust and
collaboration with the parent by involving them in the counseling sessions as
well.
5. If you come to a counselor for advice
on an issue, and
they simply ask you what you are doing already, and have no other advice to
offer… find a new counselor. They
might be good for venting, but if they cannot offer you any information on new
techniques or treatments, you are wasting your time and money.
6. If a counselor gets stuck on a
diagnosis and has a “give up” attitude, move on. They might be able to tell you what is wrong with your child
and why you can’t help them because of their diagnosis, but they don’t push to
help the child. Instead, they try to get you to give up
on the child and to accept that they can’t get any better. I found that a diagnosis could change
because children can grow and change. If you give them a chance, and try to
change them with small steps, there is always hope.
Most of the
time, children surprise me by how successful they are. God always surprises me on how he works
through us, to help kids. Most of
the time, I am looking back at how we were able to help the child be successful
and smile, because I know it was not us, but Gods helping hand that guided us. There
is a rainbow in every storm, you just have to look for it and you will find
what you need to help the child… and that is your pot of gold. Thank you God.
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